A Lesson from the Tallest Tree

There's one thing I learn from palm trees.

Even though now they stand tall and proud and face up the sun,

there will eventually come a day when they have to look down to the ground

and see the place where they were once and they are always from.

Because no matter how far you go and how long you wander,

you will always find a way to gravitate back towards your root.

The Story of Everything

Take a look around.

See all the things surround you.

Everything has a story to tell.

A story that will tell you the truth.

A story that will make you understand.

A story,

that you never thought existed.

What you have to do,

is just pay a little bit more attention,

and try to listen.

Do this once,

do this every once in a while,

do this every morning,

do this all the time.

The more often you do it,

the more surprised you'll be of what you'll finally get to realize.

Just Another Thing She Wrote

“But in the real world, you couldnt really just split a family down the middle, mom on one side, dad the other, with the child equally divided between. It was like when you ripped a piece of paper into two: no matter how you tried, the seams never fit exactly right again. It was what you couldn't see, those tiniest of pieces, that were lost in the severing, and their absence kept everything from being complete.” 

-Sarah Dessen, What Happened to Goodbye

Just a Little Late Night Rambling

Never ever underestimate the power of words. The word 'good luck', 'semangat', and 'have a nice day' that usually doesn't mean a thing, can sometimes make a big impact to someone's day. It can brighten up their day and make them feel appreciated. At the same time, making a joke about someone, even though you don't mean it and you know he/she knows it too, can sometimes really bring that person down. You have no idea what's going on with other people's life. They might be going through a hard time that your simple critic can make them feel like they wanna kill themselves and your simple greetings can give them a new hope.

Smile works when words fail.

No matter how much you know and believe that you have people who care for you and will totally be there for you, sometimes when things happen, you just can't seem to tell them. You might want them to know there's something, yet you don't want them to know what that thing is.

When things happen, remember : All you need is God. God is all you need.

Just a Reminder

Remember!

You are the source of both your happiness and your sorrow.

Everything that happens in your life can be counted as a blessing if you want yet at the same time, you can count it as a tragedy. That really just depends on how you think about it.

This might be cliche. But hey, things get cliche just because it's been told thousands and thousands of times by everyone. And why do people keep telling it? Simply because it's true.

Trick Art Exhibition

A week ago, I went to Trick Art Japan Exhibition at Grand Indonesia. This event is held by Trimitra Events. According to their website, Trick Art is a form of art interpretation using optical illusion. With the perfect color blending, perspective, and lightning techniques, amazing 3D effects are emerged from a flat painting that bring the painting to life.

I went to the exhibition with two friends of mine, Alida and Firyal, plus Alida's sister named Dinda.  I know I'm kinda late. It has already been opened since last December and will be closed on February 3rd, but well, late is better than never right? Haha. I'm not gonna talk much because the photos we took there will probably talk better than I do :p So... here it goes.

Can you see the optical illusion? Well we surely can hahaha. Just to remind all of you who want to go here, don't forget to bring a high quality camera. Unfortunately, we didn't bring one, silly us. We also didn't stay there for a long time because we still had something else to do and it made us only took a few pictures while actually there are still a lot of other artworks we could explore. Yet still, we didn't regret going since we had such a good time there :)

For more information about this exhibition, go to their website here.

Hello

I want to congratulate myself. For being able to survive through hard times, dark nights of the soul, through the first semester of college, and through a lot of goodbyes. For being able to cheer moments of laughter, of hellos, and of hello-again-long-time-no-see(s). And most importantly, for being able to realize that there's always something good behind everything and to smile at the end.

I also want to say thank you to all of the people who have been standing beside me through everything. Thank you for still being there when even I, myself, didn't want to be around me. For saying 'you can do it' even when I didn't know I could. For being there till the end to proved me that I really could. For helping me realize that things can never be better than this.

I know that I've changed a lot since a few months ago, some for the better some for the worse. And I'm sorry because I did a lot of complaining, asking 'is this really my path?', and thinking about how it used to be. But the thing is, right now, I believe that I have a future. So, I promise, I'm not gonna be trapped in the past anymore.

The next semester will start in about 6 weeks from now. I still have a lot of time to have some fun and prepare things. Let's just hope these 6 weeks wont go to waste and will be a good start for the next 46 weeks that follow. Cheers!

I Guess So

Not that long ago, I reached the point of my life where everything went dull. Nothing was going the way I wanted it to be. I was pretty much depressed and got addicted to crying. I knew it doesn't solve anything yet I still did it so often I couldn’t even count how many times a day did I cry. It really was a hard time for me.

Months have passed. Everything has been improving since that dark time. This new life I’m living is way better than how I thought it would be. Everyone is great. I'm treated nicely. But it’s all different now. A big part of me is thanking God every single day, saying that I couldn’t ask for a better life than this one. Yet some other part is keep telling me that if I could trade anything, anything, with that “normal” life I had, I would.

I asked myself, ‘So what is it? What is the problem?’

Then I think the problem is not really at the environment. The problem is me. I’m the one who’s changing. My mood swing is rather crazy. I can laugh at the simplest thing yet my tears can flow at the drop of a hat. When I’m surrounded with people, the things they do and the things we do together can make me so happy that I laugh as if I’m the happiest person on earth. But when I’m alone, my addiction to crying comes back, even when absolutely nothing is happening.

Then I asked myself again ‘why?’

Hmm
Maybe, just maybe, the pain is still here.
Maybe, I still haven't let go of my shattered dream.
Maybe it’s still haunting me.
And I’m scared.

I’m scared that I will always be like this for the rest of my life. I’m scared that I will be living a life where I always wonder ‘what if that thing didn’t happen?’. I’m scared that whenever I look into the mirror, I’ll always see the girl who failed. I don’t want it to happen. I don’t.

I guess, I need help.

Till the Day I Can Thank You

Hi there

First of all, do you know that one human being can make such a big impact on another one?
I finally know that

Well
Things have been different

Yet, some things remain the same

The feeling I have

I thought that feeling would just go away

But it doesn't

I thought the pain would be healed by time

But it doesn't

I thought the scar would be gone

But it's still there

We used to meet almost everyday
Then those everyday meetings turned into just a-couple-days-a-week meeting
That turned into comforting texts
And turned into simple texts
Then finally, nothing

Distance seems to get further and further
We are far apart
I don't even know if your face still looks the same
Do you still have that soft voice I found comforting?
Do you still have those beautiful eyes that smile along with your warm smile?
Do you create a lot more memories there that you've forgotten the ones we created together?
You might even think those memories we had weren't that important, right?
But the biggest question is
Do you even still remember me at all?

You told me that everything will be fine
Don't you know that for me, 'everything' includes you?
Well I guess you didn't think of it when you told me that, right?

Anyway
Through this journey, I've shed a lot of tears
But I know that everyone comes into our life for a reason
Because that person has a lesson that needs to be thought to us
And I hope
I'll understand the lesson you've been trying to teach me
Soon

Somehow

Heyho!

So many things have been happening in my life for these last couple of months. So many changes. Changes of plans. Changes of environment. Changes of the way I see things.

I've been hearing a lot of hellos. So many people are coming to my life. New memories are shared, laughters are made, and friendships are created. But as much as I appreciate it, I can't feel that happy because I've also been through a lot of goodbyes. Goodbyes with my dreams. Goodbyes with my easy life. Goodbyes with a lot of the closest people I've ever had.

You know, I've been asking myself. How could someone mean so much to you? How could someone's absence make you feel like you lose something? And when the other and other are slowly leaving you too, you're starting to have this weird feeling inside. The feeling of emptiness? I don't know. What I know is, it's not a good feeling.

This is a selfish part of me thinking but sometimes I want to be the one who's leaving. I know it's going to be hard. It's probably harder than being left. But maybe, if I'm the one who's going, I wouldn't have to be reminded so much of how things were going back then. I would have a new life. But here, everything I see has a story to tell. A story about how it used to. About how we could just sit there and talk for hours. Talk about happiness. Talk about our problems, about pain. Talk... about nothing at all.

Then I thought. If I leave, would anyone feel this way too? Would anyone wished that I just didn't have to go but let me go anyway because they knew I had to? Would anyone cry? Or smile and tell me that everything will be okay? That they'll always wait for me and be there when I come back?

At this point, I realized. I don't want to be just another face in the crowd. You might find it irrelevant, but this is one of the big thing I've processed through this. I want to be someone whose presence is cherished, and whose absence is missed. I want to have an impact. I want to mean something.

You might think that each paragraph of this post has a different story, that they're not related. But for me, they're related, somehow.

:')

It's 2 in the morning and I'm wide awake. I'm sitting here alone, in the dark, thinking about life. Thinking about failure and success, about choices, opportunities, serendipity, fate. Thinking about hope.

Seven hours ago, I was sitting here in this very same spot, knowing in any minute everything would be revealed. I was so full I hope that all my work would be paid off that time. I thought I would be free by now. The dream I've had since I was in elementary school, I thought it would come true. Turned out, it didn't. I know this is for the best. I just...  I still haven't found the way to just forget about it and move on with my life. You do know that sometimes it's hard to let go of your dreams, right? To accept the fact that things don't go the way you want it to be, even though it's His plan and you know He knows the best?

It's at this kind of moment I realize I'm surrounded by amazing people. My family and friends are just so supportive and caring I feel like I wanna hug all of them. They have helped me realize that sometimes it's okay to fail. That every once in a while you have to drink the lemonade life gives you. And that there're still other chances. I've missed this chance but I'm not gonna miss the next one. Maybe this is just what I need. All my life I had never been this disappointed. In the eyes of my family, I had always been the one they could count on. The one who could always make it. The one who was without any doubts, would always get what she wanted. But this experience have showed me that there's no such thing as always.

Okay I stopped there for a while and reread a couple of things people have told me in these last few hours and you know what? It put a big smile on my face. So to all of you who have been there, who have told me that it's okay and I'm gonna make it somehow, who have made me smile during my cries, thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me.

Light and Dark

That was the thing: Once, the difference between light and dark had been basic. One was good, one bad. Suddenly, though, things weren’t so clear. The dark was still a mystery, something hidden, something to be scared of, but I’d come to fear the light, too. It was where everything was revealed, or seemed to be. Eyes closed, I saw only the blackness, reminding me of this one thing, the most deep of my secrets; eyes open, there was only the world that didn’t know it, bright, inescapable, and somehow, still there.

- Sarah Dessen -

Songs You Have to Hear Before You Go Deaf

Well the tittle might be (a little) too extreme. By reading that some of you might think I'd write down a list of phenomenal songs from Queen's era to One Direction's. The truth is, no. I just wrote that because, let's be honest, it sounds catchier than 'Songs I Love' right? Anyway, this post is gonna be a random list about some favorite songs of mine that's been accompanying me through everything lately. Some songs might be about happiness, friendship, courage, and falling in love while others are about mending a broken heart, giving up, and pain. Some songs might make you want to jump all around yet some other songs make you want to just lay on your bed and stare at the ceiling.

Ed Sheeran - Kiss Me
"Yeah I've been feeling everything.  From hate to love, from love to lust,  from lust to truth.  I guess that's how I know you. So I hold you close to help you give it up"

Hellogoodbye - Oh, It Is Love
"We'll be holding hands once again. All our broken plans I will mend. I will hold you tight so you know  it is love, from the first time I pressed my hand to yours, thinking, 'Oh, is it love?'"


Ingrid Michaelson - Be Ok
"Open me up and you will see, I'm a gallery of broken hearts. I'm beyond repair, let me be, and give me back my broken parts"


Kris Allen - No Boundaries
"You can go higher, you can go deeper. There are no boundaries above and beneath you. Break every rule 'cause there's nothing between you and your dreams."


The Maine - Whoever She Is
"She could be money, cars, fear of the dark. Your best friends or just strangers in bars. Who ever she is, who ever she may be. One thing's for sure, you don't have to worry."


Glee Cast - Lean On Me
"So just call on me brother when you need a hand. We all need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that you'll understand. We all need somebody to lean on."


He Is We - Blame It On The Rain
"Tell me does she look at you the way I do? Try to understand the words you say and the way you move. Does she get the same big rush when you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush? Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?"


My Girl Friday - Love Will Find You
"To whom it may concern, good love will find you someday. But if you keep on looking for it, it will only keep you waiting. To whom it may concern, good love will find you someday. Till then live well, live happy, and live free."


The Cab - Living Louder
"'Cause we're all just kids who grew up way too fast. Yeah the good die young but the great will always last. We're growing older, but we're all soldiers tonight."


Alanis Morissette - I Remain
"I'll keep it to myself. My irade eye swim in my head. Your charm can not distract me from the path I'm born to tread."

Hello Again!

So after taking a 3 months break of this whole blogging world, I am finally back. So many things had happened since January. For example, in February I was hospitalized for five days, I'm no longer 17-last month I turned 18 and despite the fact that my father was not in town, I have to admit it was quite a delightful birthday-, and the big thing is, I'm happy to announce that national examination is now finally just a memory since it already happened. And that is why I can be here again today. Even though I didn't study all the time (I really did not), taking some time to wrote something here would just make me feel guilty.

Anyway, no more school for me (hopefully). Yeah sure I'll have to go to courses everyday and study and study and study even harder to get into the university I want, but I've refused to start studying during this one week break that I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna have anymore in quite a while. And so, I made this list of the things I want to do this week.

So far, I've done half of those things. Let's see. I've been watching a lot of movies since day 1 of this break. I've tried to make chocolate lava and it was quite a success. I went to a theme park which called Dufan on Thursday with five friends of mine. And yes, I've done some shopping during this break. I know that I still have four more things to do but I'm pretty happy with what I've done. Hopefully I'll finish this to-do-list soon.

At first I wanted to share you a story about my visit to Dufan with my friends and maybe show you a couple of pictures, but I have to get ready to go to my sister's house so..... maybe later. Bye!

2012

Woohoo it's 2012 already. Do you know what it means to me? That in less than 6 months I'll take a lot of tests, and by a lot of tests I mean never-ending-tests-that-(possibly)-will-drive-me-crazy, and if they go well, then I'm gonna graduate, end enter university. I hope I'm gonna make it to my dream university.

This year I don't really make a resolution list since based on my experience, I've always abandoned my list after the first couple weeks of the new year. But I still have some goals, like of course, get better scores at school and study harder so I can get into ITB (my dream university, at least until now). Other than that, I hope I'm gonna be able to pray harder, getting closer to God, be nicer, and just simply be happier.

Anyway, I've been bored with my blog's look. So since it's my first post this year, I think it's a perfect time to change it. Here's the difference between how my blog looks before and how it looks now

At first I wanted to use brown as the main color of my new layout, but I just love purple so much, what can I do? And I want something that looks more simple than the previous one, so I changed me header font and only used one colors instead of three. I'm also not using the tape strip again that I used as a background of my twitter, Facebook, and tumblr link image. I'm using a simple box now instead. So what do you think of it?

Chocolate Fudge Brownies

Hello! It's December 30th here right now. Only 1 hour away from the last day in 2011. I'm not saying that is has been a tough year (even though it kinda is) but I'm just hoping 2012 is going to be better. Waaay better.

Anyway, last sunday, when some of you were celebrating christmas, me and my family celebrated my nephew's fifth birthday. It wasn't a big celebration, just a simple dinner with our close family at one of our favorite middle east cuisine restaurants. And since it was a birthday, it wouldn't be complete without any cakes. So my sister asked me to make a chocolate fudge brownies I've made a couple of times before. I found the recipe a couple months ago and since the first time I made it, many people had come to me and say 'please make that cake again!'. So then i made it.

It might not look pretty. After all I'm no pâtissier so pardon me if my food presentation is not good. But hey, at least it tastes super delicious. I just can't stop eating it. Here I'm gonna give you a warning. Don't you ever make it when you're on a diet. It would just ruin everything because a small slice of this brownies wouldn't be enough.

Dark Chocolate Fudge Brownies
(Adapted from The Flourishing Foodie)

Ingredients
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, unsalted
2 1/4 cups white granulated sugar*
4 large eggs
1 1/4 cups Dutch cocoa powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups white unbleached flour
2 cups 60% bittersweet chocolate chips**


* You can just make it on your own with caster sugar and a high speed blender, and maybe the other blenders would work just fine too.


** One for the dough and one for the topping. I used 100 grams of sweet choco chips for the dough (1 cup is about 175 grams) since I couldn't fine the 60% bittersweet one here anywhere, and it worked just fine.

Directions
1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.

2. Line a 9x13" baking pan with tin foil. Fold the tin foil over the edges of the pan, so it will be easier to remove the brownies. *

3. In a saucepan on low-medium heat, melt the butter and sugar until the sugar has melted and the mixture has become translucent. Continue to stir ensuring the sugar does not burn to the bottom of the pan.

4. In a large bowl, beat the eggs, cocoa powder, salt, baking powder, and vanilla with a hand mixer. Don't worry if the mixture becomes hard and pasty, this is normal. Add in the butter/sugar mixture and continue to beat for 2 -3 minutes until there are no lumps of cocoa powder and the mixture resembles a soupy liquid.

5. Add the flour and stir the mixture with a spatula until the flour has combined and there are no more white lumps. Add 1 cup of chocolate chips and stir.

6. Pour the batter into the baking pan and place in the oven on the middle rack. Bake for 30 minutes. If you prefer your brownies more dense and less gooey, bake for 35 - 40 minutes.

7. Remove the brownies from the oven and pour the remaining 1 cup of chocolate chips on top of the brownies. Let the chips melt and then spread them around with a knife. Let the brownies cool for 30 minutes and then serve warm with a glass of soy or regular milk.

Hound Fall Winter 2011

I just found out about this indie fashion label from Chicago called Hound. Call me late but now I'm totally in love with its Fall Winter 2011 collection. Here are some of the collection.

They look so simple yet magical and dreamy. Not to mention that I have a huge girl crush on that model. Too bad I can't find out who she is. I have to say that I adore the colors so much, especially the coral color of that stella dress (second picture). I just want it so bad that since I saw it earlier I've been daydreaming about wearing it to a few events. I might as well dream about it later tonight in my sleep. But why does it have to be so far away? And honestly even though it's here, I still don't have that much money to spend on a dress.

Anyway, this collection is lovely right? Are there any collection that you really like lately? Feel free to share!

Sleepless Nights

It's kinda hard to believe. Finally, after struggling for a couple weeks in this mean place people usually call school, here I am. You might think after being away so long now I'm gonna have a lot of stories to share with you. And yeah I do have a looot of stories and thoughts, but if pointless things about how tired I am of school things don't count, then I have nothing. Well almost nothing (since it's pretty obvious I'm gonna share something with you guys right now).

I just had my two-weeks-final-exams. I don't know how long it usually takes in your place, but in my hometown, two weeks is quite a long time. It has some benefits actually. While some other students in other schools take two until three tests per day, we only take two maximum so it basically gives us more time to study and focus. But still, some of us had sleepless nights. Or at least not sleeping until 2 in the morning and already has to get up at 4.30. This kind of days are the ones that make me feel thankful of all the songs in one of my playlists. And yep, that's the thing that I wanna talk about here. I'm calling it 'Sleepless Nights' playlist.

The songs in this playlist are the ones who've been my best friends during my crazy nights. They're slow enough to keep you relax and focus yet upbeat enough to keep you up at night. There are a lot of them. But here, I'm just gonna write 15 favorites of mine.

1. Bombay Bicycle Club - Always Like This

2. Blueboy - Always There

3. Remy Zero - Fair

4. Band of Horses - The Funeral

5. Phoenix - If I Ever Feel Better

6. The Weakerthans - Left and Leaving

7. Frou Frou - Let Go

8. The Summer Set - Old Mexico

9. Arctic Monkeys - Reckless Serenade

10. Andrew Bird - Sovay

11. Belle & Sebastian - Step Into My Office, Baby

12. Iron & Wine - Such Great Heights

13. The Summer Set - Where Are You Now

14. Tegan and Sara - Where Does The Good Go

15. Bonnie Somerville - Winding Road

Whether you're facing your final exams, finishing your projects, or just anything that makes you have to be awake until late night, listen to these songs. If you don't have this kind of playlist, then these 15 songs can be a good start. If you already have one, then they will be a great addition. It would be great too if you can share with me your favorite songs that's best listened at night or just simply anything - don't even have to be songs- that usually can keep you up at night.

I hope you enjoy this playlist.

Just A Little Something

Have you ever pushed yourself too hard to get something or to somewhere, that you ended up not caring about anything else? You forgot to have fun, did the things that you actually love, just because you thought you have to get to that somewhere. And by the time you got there, you realized it's not somewhere you need to be at nor want to. It was just somewhere you thought you should be at, because everyone else was telling you that. Have you ever gone through that? No? Well then, lucky you!

Happy National Blogger Day!

I know I'm such a bad blogger (if I still may use that word to describe myself - blogger) since I haven't posted anything for quite a long time, but today is National Blogger Day here in Indonesia and I feel the urge to write something here. So now I'm gonna write down some things (I think) only bloggers could ever get. If I'm a good blogger I wouldn't talk about anything but the topic I've chosen right? But since we all know I'm so good at being out to topic....... well, let's just see.

First of all, since I become a blogger, I've been getting some lovely new friends. It might sound cheesy and stuffs but you guys have been here through all these crazy things in my life that I share here. You've been giving me your support through the hard times, some advices when I get cluless, and hope when I feel like giving up. You make me feel strong, like I can conquer anything. Thank you so much.

Next, I've been watching some of you bloggers get better and better at blogging. The ones who used to only post pictures, now can finally express theirself through writing. The ones who used to post pointless things can now write a tremendous essay. The ones who knew nothing about HTML can now make a beautiful web design. And so on.

I might not be improving as much as some of you do, but I believe I've slightly changed. I didn't realize blogging has quite a big effect until I stopped. The longer time I spend without writing anything at all here, the harder it gets for me to start writing. Yes it's true that if we write often, even though we don't have any blogs, our writing skills would be improved. But the big question is, will you finish your writing when you don't even know what to do with it after you write it? Well the answers may vary but for me, it's a no.

After that, blogging has been helping me increase my knowledge. Reading the blogs of people who have the same interest with me does really broaden my horizon. For example, through blogs I now know some awesome songs I would never hear on the radio, recipes I'd been trying to find on my recipe books but I couldn't find, some tear dropping movies that would never be played on the cinemas, and so on.

When you get so many infos from other bloggers, it makes you feel like you have to give them something back. Sharing some infos with other bloggers has always been fun. That's what will make you a better researcher. That way you'll get more informations that you can share and once again, it will broaden your horizon.

And the most important thing is, you can just be yourself. No matter what, there's always someone out there who's just like you and will relate to your writings. You might have to try to fit in at school that you end up not being like yourself, but here you'll be appreciated for who you are.

There they are, some things people can get through blogging. I know there are a lot of other benefits from blogging, maybe you can share me your own thoughts here. Good bye people! Have a nice day!