:')

It's 2 in the morning and I'm wide awake. I'm sitting here alone, in the dark, thinking about life. Thinking about failure and success, about choices, opportunities, serendipity, fate. Thinking about hope.

Seven hours ago, I was sitting here in this very same spot, knowing in any minute everything would be revealed. I was so full I hope that all my work would be paid off that time. I thought I would be free by now. The dream I've had since I was in elementary school, I thought it would come true. Turned out, it didn't. I know this is for the best. I just...  I still haven't found the way to just forget about it and move on with my life. You do know that sometimes it's hard to let go of your dreams, right? To accept the fact that things don't go the way you want it to be, even though it's His plan and you know He knows the best?

It's at this kind of moment I realize I'm surrounded by amazing people. My family and friends are just so supportive and caring I feel like I wanna hug all of them. They have helped me realize that sometimes it's okay to fail. That every once in a while you have to drink the lemonade life gives you. And that there're still other chances. I've missed this chance but I'm not gonna miss the next one. Maybe this is just what I need. All my life I had never been this disappointed. In the eyes of my family, I had always been the one they could count on. The one who could always make it. The one who was without any doubts, would always get what she wanted. But this experience have showed me that there's no such thing as always.

Okay I stopped there for a while and reread a couple of things people have told me in these last few hours and you know what? It put a big smile on my face. So to all of you who have been there, who have told me that it's okay and I'm gonna make it somehow, who have made me smile during my cries, thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me.

Light and Dark

That was the thing: Once, the difference between light and dark had been basic. One was good, one bad. Suddenly, though, things weren’t so clear. The dark was still a mystery, something hidden, something to be scared of, but I’d come to fear the light, too. It was where everything was revealed, or seemed to be. Eyes closed, I saw only the blackness, reminding me of this one thing, the most deep of my secrets; eyes open, there was only the world that didn’t know it, bright, inescapable, and somehow, still there.

- Sarah Dessen -